‘Hey, Buddy! You’re Just Renting The Balls, Not Buying Them!’

By GORD MONTGOMERY, Inside Golf

EDMONTON, Alberta — Over the course of his career in the golf business, Art New has seen thousands of golfers drive a bucket of balls away into a field or two. But never, ever, he says, has he seen anyone attempt to literally drive away down a city street with a bucket of balls.

New, who is part owner of the Golf Canada Driving Range in Edmonton, said such an occurrence was a first-time thing for him, even after over four decades of watching people smack the living daylights out of range balls. And, he hopes, it’s something he never sees again.

So, let us set the stage for you. Here’s New, loading balls into the washer at his range. Out of the corner of his eye he spots a gentleman walk by with two large buckets of balls. We’ll let the now bemused, but then puzzled golf pro, take it from there.

“I mean, that was a first for me with that situation where I watched a guy load two buckets of balls into his trunk, with the bucket and everything!” began New about this bizarre happening. “Over the years I’ve seen range balls in members’ bags and stuff, where they pull them out on a water hole without thinking about it, things like that. I’d be foolish to think that people don’t take the odd ball …. at our range we have range balls that are striped but we also have balls people give to us, and used balls from ball hawkers and stuff, and there might be Titleists or something, and I’d be naive to say “Oh, nobody ever takes those,” but I’m sure they do.”

That though is an occasional ball, here and there. What New witnessed at his range on this particular day was a guy making off with about 200 balls total and the large plastic buckets they come in, a package that’s worth — are you ready for this? — around $200!

“This was quite blatant but I honestly think this guy was a new kind of golfer. I don’t think he was being malicious or trying to be deceiving, because he did pay for the bucket!” New continued with a chuckle. “I just think he didn’t know.”

Interestingly enough, New passed the heist-gone-awry story on to a partner, who queried, ‘Is he driving a black car?’ to which the response was in the affirmative. ‘He got away with two buckets before!’ his partner replied, after a Good Samaritan had informed him of that disappearing act.


This Person Didn’t Drive Away With Two Buckets Of Range Balls Despite Appearances, As When He Was Approached By A Course Staff Member, He Chose To Take Them To The Driving Range Where They Belong.

Asked what the culprit’s answer was in regard to taking his ball(s) and going home, New continued with this bizarre tale. “I went up to him as he was pulling away, with his wife beside him and a little kid in the back in a child seat, and I go, “Where are you going with those golf balls in your trunk? And he looks right at me and goes, ‘I’m going home.’ I said ‘You’re joking, right?’ and he goes, ‘No. I bought them and I’m going home.’ ”

After explaining that the golf balls he had paid for were rentals, and not purchases, things got even weirder.

“I told him if he left with them, that was theft, and I’d call the police. ‘You’re joking,’ said the wannabe ball bandit. “And then he goes, ‘Well, you guys should explain that a little better.’”

Once he convinced the wannabe-ball burglar he couldn’t leave with his ‘purchase,’ and on the way back to the office to issue the guy a refund, New asked the obvious question about the fate of the purloined balls had they in fact made their way off the property: “I said, ‘What do you do with them anyway?’ And he goes, ‘Well, I hit them into the river.’”

Shades of Seinfeld where Kramer was driving golf balls into the ocean!

New suggested that perhaps the gent should buy used golf balls, which are readily available just about anywhere, but again, there was an offbeat answer to that suggestion.

“He said ‘No. I just want range balls.’”

The cost to New, depending on the brand of ball purchased, ranges from $7 up to around $10 or $11 per dozen. In all, there are 110 balls in a large driving range bucket or about 9.5 dozen which would cost a businessman like New $104.50 if they disappear. And that’s not a sum of money, whether in cash or product, you want to see wheeling out of your parking lot and heading down the freeway instead of down the fairway.

In this case, New decided not to lay charges but said were it to happen again, “If I saw that guy (do this) again, I would. Why wouldn’t I? But, he wasn't trying to hide anything, that’s why I think he just didn’t know.”

So in the case of the Almost Ripped Off Range Balls, it was a happy ending for everyone — except maybe for the fish in the river who aren’t sure where their next supply of golf balls are coming from!